Tuesday, September 28, 2010

"I said what."


I was inspired to write this blog because of the kindness and thoughtfulness of one person. She dropped by my blog after three months of my being absent. I thank you for that dear Herrad.

My absence has been because I can't seem to be able to put anything into words. It seems my cognitive status is on the decline. This is my opinion anyway and I don't like the feeling one little bit. My short term memory I expected to go but not my long term memories.
I have found myself withdrawing from conversations with people and people in general. I don't feel I have anything to offer a discussion. I am feeling so inept. I am so thankful our social life is fairly inactive. I have even found myself withdrawing from on-line communities in which I have been very active.

In truth I am more scared than depressed. My husband is very supportive but sad to say he is having his own memory issues. We aren't spring chickens after all. It does make for interesting living around here though. Ha, Ha

I thank whoever has taken the time to read this. I have officially come out of the closet with my fear. Ahhhh.... I do believe I feel better.



I occupied my time since my last blog with my camera and anything that caught my eye in our yard. I hope you enjoy the photo's.



Thursday, June 10, 2010

Show and Tell


Since I posted last, life has been challenging, eventful, interesting, joyful and full of some beautiful moments.

April as I posted previously was a time of loss. My friend Conni who lost her father is day by day dealing with the grieving process. It is curious how sometimes death/loss brings a renewal to a previously precarious relationship.



My self-challenge began in April. I realized I had reached a point of complacency and possible laziness. My plan was for myself and in turn would hopefully bring some stress and relief to my dear husband. My daily goal was to accomplish at least one task that would benefit both of us. My benefit was the feeling of self-accomplishment and pride. I must say my husband has been appreciative of my efforts but always says "you are doing too much." OK, so I got a little carried away a few days and pushed myself beyond my bodies limits of capability. My lower back went into a flare and put me on the couch for a week. I am up and back to performing my daily task or two or three.

Refined sugar has been on my list of things to avoid to the best of my ability. I am doing fairly well considering I am a sugarholic. I have noticed less ups and downs. I just wish the scale would cooperate with my hard work.


Spring and the beginning of summer, being my favorite times of the year has given me the gardening bug and the shutterbug. My gardening consists of a few pots of flowers on my porch and my lily garden. I love to sit on my porch in the morning and enjoy my flowers and the hummingbirds at the feeder. My first three lilies bloomed yesterday and I share them with you. I hope you have enjoyed some of my photo's scattered throughout this blog.




Hummingbirds are amazing little creatures. So small and yet can be so fierce when fighting over the feeder. I can also see their feeder from my couch so I spend a great deal of time enjoying their antics. They are sure to bring a smile to your face.




Oh my gosh! Maggie, our now one year old puppy discovered her first skunk. Poor puppy. She was such a sad sight. All is well after we bathed her in an odor destroying agent.



Sometimes we need to just take some time to ourselves to self-evaluate, enjoy our surroundings and appreciate life.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Life and Loss

My dear friend Conni at http://heartshapedrock.blogspot.com/ is grieving the loss of her Dad at this time. He passed away unexpectedly on 4/16/10 from an apparent massive heart attack at his home. He was 55 yrs. young. My heart is aching for Conni and her family.

Her loss brought to the surface memories of my own loss of my Mom, Dad and brother. Unlike Conni's loss of her Dad the loss of my parents and brother were all expected as they were all the result of terminal illness. Whether it be unexpected or a prolonged process death brings forth such a gamut of emotions.

Looking back I realize the importance of the kindness and compassion of friends, community and family. This morning I was made aware of the illness of the partner of a fellow blogger at http://spinfortunaswheel.blogspot.com/ What a wonderful thing, that the blogging community can be there for one another during times such as these.

Never hesitate to reach out, never underestimate the power of a kind word and always share your love with your fellow man.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Happy Spring and Memories!




video

This blog entry inspired by Grandpa Oddball's kindness and concern at http://getoddnews.com/

Yes, I am out of my shell and enjoying every moment of spring that I can.

I made the above video on one of my walks with my dog Maggie. The distance I am able to walk varies from day to day but walking stick in hand I go as far as I feel I can, enjoying all the beauty there is to behold and the sounds of nature.


My depression is better and I think the change in season has a great deal to do with that. I always look forward to spring and watching the new growth, mild temperatures and planting flowers.

My brain seems to be wanting to forget many more things than I would like these days. I have been struggling with this for months. Carrying on an intelligent conversation seems to be a major challenge for me. This is very frightening for me and has had me very depressed. I have periods when I feel so stupid and know I shouldn't feel that way as there is good reason for my problems but I don't want to lose any more of my memory! It hurts so much when someone says "remember when" and I have to say no. I want someone to give me back the key to my brain where I have so many memories trapped inside.

****************
MEMORIES

Memories,
Pressed between the Pages of my Mind

Memories,
Sweetened thru the Ages just like Wine

Quiet Thoughts come floating down
And settle softly to the Ground
Like golden Autumn Leaves around my Feet

I touched them and they burst apart
With sweet Memories,
Sweet Memories

Of holding Hands and red Bouquets
And Twilight trimmed in purple haze

And laughing Eyes and simple Ways
And quiet Nights and gentle Days with you

Memories,
Pressed between the Pages of my Mind

Memories,
Sweetened thru the Ages just like Wine,

Memories,
Memories,

Of holding Hands and red Bouquets
And Twilight trimmed in purple Haze

And laughing Eyes and simple Ways
And quiet Nights and gentle Days with you

Memories,
Memories,

Sweet Memories

( Words & Music By Bill Strange - Scott Davis )

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

My Shell


turtle(:
Originally uploaded by cute(erthanyou)

This is how I have felt for the past few months. I tend to withdraw into myself or my shell like this turtle when feeling high stress and depression.

Depression is common with so many of us dealing with chronic illness and everyday life as well. I do believe I have seen a correlation with my moods and the season. Seasonal Affective Disorder? I think maybe.

Whatever the cause I know I am sick of feeling this way. Sometimes I feel more like this.



http://www.ict.mic.ul.ie/websites/2002/Jordana_Dolan/Tortoises%20Page.htm
I have not been able to find the words to describe how I am feeling. I didn't feel I had anything worth sharing in this blog.
Yesterday something happened in my life that required action be taken and I had to find words to express myself. My brain functions in neutral as a rule anyway so yesterday was extremely difficult for me. After a long talk with two friends and much thought I was able to put into writing my thoughts. It was a situation that involved a controversial issue in which I needed to help others see the need to practice tolerance. All I can say is I gave it my best shot and I hope it worked. Time will tell. I felt a great sense of accomplishment in dealing with the whole situation.
Am I out of my shell? I have been today. I got out in the sunshine and walked with my dog and took some pictures.
It is just an example of how a problem can turn into a blessing even if it is just a walk in the sun.


Friday, January 8, 2010

The Gold Paw Award





Today I received the Gold Paw Award from Herrad at http://accessdenied-livingwithms.blogspot.com/
in recognition of my blogs about my puppy Maggie. Thank you Herrad.

We got Maggie after the death of our dear family dog Bailey. She came at a time when we were going through such feelings of loss and grief. She immediately brought smiles, laughter, comfort and wonderful companionship but mostly she gives us unconditional love.



In December a dear friend of mine and her family lost their beloved German Shepard to a senseless act of violence by a neighbor. His name was Jagir. I would like to give my friend Conni this award in memory of Jagir.