Friday, June 12, 2009

Who is Going to Catch Me?

I began having more than usual neck and back problems and of course increased pain. I knew the exacerbation of my neck pain was computer and posture related. I had started doing some of the exercises I had already been taught in previous PT sessions in the past. I find it so difficult to follow my home exercise program. I don't remember it until I am in moderate to severe pain. Go figure.

I am two weeks into my current physical therapy treatments. OMG. First I don't think it is possible for anyone that doesn't have MS to understand there is a fine line between therapeutic and torture. I think my therapist is beginning to get the picture though. She sees me as a potential "lethal weapon" if I have been pushed to far. Not intentionally on my part but by the reaction of my body if pushed to far. Tremors! She should know better than to put a 1lb. weight in my left hand and tell me to raise it above my head. I did it successfully once but my arm fell behind my head like a big rock in water. She has learned her lesson with the weights. I expect her to be wearing steel toed boots today when I see her.

I live in a very small rural community so they don't see many MS patients so things like my positive Romberg is used as a training and educational tool during my sessions. I don't mind helping educate people as long as they are there to catch me when I go down. I tend to go to the right or backwards.

My husband was enlightened during my last session when he sat in and observed. He had no idea my tremors were as profound as they are. Ask me to do leg raises while laying flat, sure, just watch out after the first one because the tremors start and I have no control and my leg drops like a rock. We found that if I dorsiflex my foot during the leg raises I have control over the tremors. That sure makes my legs more tired.

We moved on to gait. I was even shocked. I know I can't stand on one foot, do heel to toe or any other fancy jigs but I am more restricted than I thought. We tried having me walk sideways. The first leg goes ok but for the life of me I have no control over the other leg. It is lost in its own space and time somewhere. Eventually it comes dragging or flopping over in its own time. Then she had to try backwards. I think I am an experiment for her. I didn't make it 2 steps backwards without nearly toppling over. So it is very apparent I have proprioceptive dysfunction. I could have told them that.

I shall persevere with optimism and hope that I will gain some strength despite the new found knowledge of my limitations. I guess I knew them but I didn't want to think about it. It is difficult to ignore when someone is catching me while in free-fall. On a positive note I am thankful there is someone there to catch me when I am on the verge of falling.

In Memory

In memory of Nicole, the daughter of Sherry at
May you find peace, comfort and strength during this difficult time.