Thursday, April 23, 2009

Beauty Beyond the Window

I just happened by my window today and saw the beauty of the redbud tree. I am not sure I can explain my feelings at that moment but I shall give it a shot.

I think those of us living with MS or any other chronic illness or disability feel like we are watching life passing us by. It is like watching the world through a window. Am I having a down day? Yes.

I am currently dealing with the daily struggles of MS and all its bumps and curves in the road. Most days I manage to handle it all in stride to the best of my ability. There is always a disclaimer with MS isn't there? We do live day to day if not moment to moment.

Stress as we all know plays such a tremendous role in our lives and with our disease. At this moment I feel like I am behind that window looking out and it is impenetrable. Where is my hammer or a big rock when I need them? The problem with breaking the window, is it is just an illusion in my mind. I hate being emotionally locked out and being at a loss as to what to do. I was always a fixer. Now I would like to be fixed.

This disease certainly doesn't make so called normal life issues any easier to cope with.

I think I will walk out my door and go sit under that redbud tree and wait for guidance, inspiration or just enjoy the beautiful purple blossoms. Thank God for doors.