Monday, April 20, 2009
Those of us with MS know a multitude of conditions come with it. Aren't we lucky? MS=Much Sh_ _.
My current challenge is trying to chat in a chatroom. Not 3 months ago I was hosting chats on this particular site. The participation in chat went up and so did my anxiety.
Don't get me wrong I am thrilled with the increased participation but it became too much for my cognitively challenged brain.
I have had an anxiety issue for quite some time even prior to my MS diagnosis. Hmmmm? A possible piece of the puzzle way back then. Isn't that how MS goes? Over years of symptoms and finally all the pieces fit.
Anyway, back to anxiety. Did I mention I was cognitively impaired? When it comes to my train of thought, I have a very short train. My anxiety has stayed under control with the use of medications for some time. During times of increased stress I find it has a mind of its own and disregards the meds. Yes, the doc has increased my dosage at my request.
Oh yes, chat and my anxiety. I resigned as chat host for obvious reasons. Increased anxiety with me brings on impatience and a decreased level of tolerance and that is not the real me. Oh yes it is, it is me, I have flaws. Imagine.....
As my coping method I have been avoiding the chatroom. I feel certain those of you who have anxiety issues will understand. Have you ever gone shopping and WalMart starts closing in on you, you become dizzy and your only option is to take flight. WalMart has emptied a few carts of stuff left my me. It keeps the employees busy right? I have found the same feeling in the chatroom, too many people. I find just seeing at their names too much to handle. Not to mention trying to converse without getting nauseous, dizzy and feeling the need to flee. I have made a few quick exits.
Yesterday I decided avoidance wasn't working for me so I tried chatting with just a few people and only stayed for a short time. I was successful! I didn't even want to choke that one person who has been driving me nuts. So I am going to take it slow, make it brief and hopefully this too shall pass.