Thursday, July 16, 2009

The World Keeps Turning

Ok, so I have gone through all the cardiac tests and procedures and except for the recurrent palpitations and bradycardia my heart appears to be in no need of repair, physically anyway. He is going to increase my metoprolol to hopefully ease the palpitations and when asked about the episodes of bradycardia he said "we will have to watch that and if you become more symptomatic we may have to look at a pacemaker." He requested I have my physical therapist monitor my pulse rate after exertion like the extent of my therapy is rigorous enough to raise my heart rate. Get real man! Shouldn't the chemical stress test have answered that question anyway?? I am so tired of seeing doctors and feeling like I get no where or that they have no clue. I asked about my Holtor monitor results and he didn't even have them. I stated "I am sure you would have contacted me if the results had been eventful." He reassured me he would have. Geesh....

I guess I am on a rant today. I think everything has caught up with me. I have been taking my omeprazole regularly and have noticed less chest discomfort. So possibly it is related to GERD. I have been noticing some swallowing difficulty with drinking liquids and burning in my esophagus. The cardiologist did set me up to see my G.I. doc next Thursday, gave me a script for Nexium which I hope my insurance looks favorably on and I am sure another endoscopy is in my near future.

I feel so guilty because I am dependent on my husband for transportation to and from doctor appts. He works so hard and taking off work causes him more stress. I have 2 adult children who are of no help because one has disowned me and the other is apparently keeping a very safe distance between us. That is another blog post you probably don't want to hear.
I am so tired. I want my dog back. I want to give her her daily "kisses, kisses" on top of her head. I want to be independent. I want my husband to be less stressed and depressed. I want my children to love me. I want to meet my first grandson that was born 3 months ago who is being kept away. I want to see my 8 yr. old granddaughter Addie more often. I want my children to believe that I have MS.

That is my rant for the day. Hopefully another one isn't waiting in the wings. I have had a good cry and I think it helped.

I think I will listen to some music. Maybe that will help.


  1. Kelli

    I find your story sad and your response couragous. I too feel guilty being so dependent on my wife for not just transportation but also just about everything else. Too, I'd like to see my grandchildren more often but it's bdistance not lack of love that separates us. I happen to be lucky as my children and grandchildren know and accept my medical problems. I wish you the same.

  2. Kelli....I am so sorry for all that you go through. I wish the tables were turned and I was your know I feel that way. I would love you like no other in the world and be there to help you. I would give anything to live close enough to you that we could be toegther all the time. Jim would run me off, LOL. Seriously, I do wish something would happen in your kids' heads and they would realize they have a wonderful loving mother. If they ahd mine for a week , they would be thankful to have you.
    May God take away this broken heart of your's and mend it to be stonger and happier than ever. Amen.

  3. Grandpa - Thanks for dropping by. It is a sad situation and one in which I have to practice The Serenity Prayer. I think it is almost impossible for us to not feel guilty because of our dependence on our spouses. Keeping the line of communication open is the important thing. Thanks for your positive wishes for me.

    Conni - My sweet friend, thank you so much for your beautiful comments. I would be proud to call you my daughter as you know. Hopefully in time my children will find peace, love and compassion in their hearts. Until then I must keep moving forward each day. Thank you so much for your prayer.


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