Thursday, July 30, 2009

Inspirational Blogs

I haven't been blogging long but I have definitely come across many blogs that I find inspirational. These are three ladies that have inspired me. I hope they will drop by and pick up their award.
Herrad~ Whose life has taken such a drastic turn in a very short time.
"Independence is so very important to all of us, never realised quite how important it was until I had none left after becoming so handicapped.
Appreciate what I have still got even more than ever."
Every day is a new day and a new chance."
Sherry~ Who is blogging her way through the grief of losing her beloved daughter Nicole can still muster moments of humor and wit.
"I have no desire to ever see a doctor again but that won't happen.
Today I'll get my hair cut. At least she isn't a doctor! Then if I feel like it, I'll go get me a pair of jeans that won't fall off in public! YES!"
Diane~ A true inspiration in coping with life's changes such as adjusting to an assisted living facility.
"Life really does come at you fast."
Thank you for your courage, wisdom and inspiration.

How Quickly the Table Turns

I had a flashback just a few minutes ago while I filling my weekly med planner. I fill it in front of my microwave and the counter top was a mess which prompted the flashback.

I was taken back about 12 years ago when I was still practicing as a home health nurse. I had one particular patient who I was extremely fond of. We shall call her Ethel. Ethel was morbidly obese, diabetic, history of congestive heart failure, a chain smoker and was developmentally delayed. She was a very special person. No matter what was going on with her health she was always jovial and smiling.

She didn't take much initiative to help herself and preferred others do for her. We always laughed and joked and we had a wonderful relationship. I would fill her med planner weekly during one of my visits. It never failed her counter top was a mess with coffee drippings and artificial sweetener particles scattered about. I would tease her that I thought she could at least have the counter wiped off before I came to have a clean surface to fill her medication box. After weeks of teasing I arrived one day and the counter top was spotless. She yelled from the living room "do you see anything different Kelli?" Words can not express how proud of her I was at that moment. In turn she was extremely proud of herself.

Now I find the tables turned and I have the weekly medication planner to be filled and the counter top that needs to be wiped clean. Thoughts of Ethel were bittersweet as I miss nursing so much. Yet through her I was taught the benefits of laughter, joking and even a little teasing.

Friday, July 17, 2009

A New Day

I wasn't going to blog today but after visiting and having a few chuckles I decided I would share a little beauty. These are a few pictures of my lilies that bring me such joy during the summer. I look forward to walking out every morning to see what new color has bloomed. Their beauty brings me peace. I envy their tolerance for the heat and ability to still stand tall.

I hope you have a nice day.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

The World Keeps Turning

Ok, so I have gone through all the cardiac tests and procedures and except for the recurrent palpitations and bradycardia my heart appears to be in no need of repair, physically anyway. He is going to increase my metoprolol to hopefully ease the palpitations and when asked about the episodes of bradycardia he said "we will have to watch that and if you become more symptomatic we may have to look at a pacemaker." He requested I have my physical therapist monitor my pulse rate after exertion like the extent of my therapy is rigorous enough to raise my heart rate. Get real man! Shouldn't the chemical stress test have answered that question anyway?? I am so tired of seeing doctors and feeling like I get no where or that they have no clue. I asked about my Holtor monitor results and he didn't even have them. I stated "I am sure you would have contacted me if the results had been eventful." He reassured me he would have. Geesh....

I guess I am on a rant today. I think everything has caught up with me. I have been taking my omeprazole regularly and have noticed less chest discomfort. So possibly it is related to GERD. I have been noticing some swallowing difficulty with drinking liquids and burning in my esophagus. The cardiologist did set me up to see my G.I. doc next Thursday, gave me a script for Nexium which I hope my insurance looks favorably on and I am sure another endoscopy is in my near future.

I feel so guilty because I am dependent on my husband for transportation to and from doctor appts. He works so hard and taking off work causes him more stress. I have 2 adult children who are of no help because one has disowned me and the other is apparently keeping a very safe distance between us. That is another blog post you probably don't want to hear.
I am so tired. I want my dog back. I want to give her her daily "kisses, kisses" on top of her head. I want to be independent. I want my husband to be less stressed and depressed. I want my children to love me. I want to meet my first grandson that was born 3 months ago who is being kept away. I want to see my 8 yr. old granddaughter Addie more often. I want my children to believe that I have MS.

That is my rant for the day. Hopefully another one isn't waiting in the wings. I have had a good cry and I think it helped.

I think I will listen to some music. Maybe that will help.

Monday, July 13, 2009

In Memory of Bailey

In Memory of Bailey

April 1998 - July 11, 2009

Bailey came to us as a puppy of about 8 wks. of age. We had a dog, Lady Bug and they became fast friends. Bailey and Lady Bug would take off on dog adventures, looking over their shoulders to see if we were going to stop them and be gone for hours sometimes exploring the woods and creeks and who knows what else. Bailey was a faithful companion to Lady Bug until her death 3 yrs. ago.

Bailey was a beautiful dog, black lab/Australian Shepard mix. She was a very loving and faithful companion to me and my husband. She was our baby. When my granddaughter was born 8 yrs ago I cared for her while her Mom worked and Bailey would lay beside the playpen while Addie napped, never leaving until she awakened and I picked her up. She was so attentive to Addie until the day of her death. Addie was able to see her Saturday morning before she passed away and brushed her for the last time. Bailey loved being brushed.

We know we love our pets but I have found since she is gone there were so many things I took for granted. She was a form of security for me when I would venture outside. Every time we went out she came with us. She did chores with my husband every morning and evening. Every night when I got up to go to the bathroom I would have to maneuver around her either beside the bed or in the hall. How I have missed that the past 2 nights. I walked into the living room this morning to open the curtains and looked down expecting to see her lying on her rug. I haven't been able to go outside yet today because I don't have my companion.

She was raised around many cats and litters of kittens. She was so gentle with each and every one of them. I have one cat named Baby who was her special friend. She would nibble Baby's neck until it was so wet. Baby will miss her special friend and her neck nibbler.

Bailey had a special canine friend named Elsie, a beagle who lives across the road. They too enjoyed many runs and adventures in the woods, pastures and cornfields that surround our house. They had a run just 2 days before her death. I am so thankful she was able to enjoy her life until the end. Bailey took a walk with me, my husband and our granddaughter on Friday evening.

Since I became disabled and home bound Bailey has been such a source of love, companionship and security for me. She was a major part of my days. I shall miss her greatly.

Bailey had been battling congestive heart failure for the past several months. She took a turn for the worst on Friday, having increased difficulty breathing. She passed away quietly at home Saturday evening with her head resting on a pillow I had placed in the floor for her with both Jim and myself beside her like she has always been for us.

"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened. "
(Anatole France)

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Main Course - Vertigo/With a Side of Imbalance

Definition of Vertigo
Vertigo: Aside from being the name of a classic 1958 Alfred Hitchcock film (with Jimmy Stewart and Kim Novak), vertigo is a feeling that you are dizzily turning around or that things are dizzily turning about you. Vertigo is usually due to a problem with the inner ear. Vertigo can also be caused by vision problems.
The word "vertigo" comes from the Latin "vertere", to turn + the suffix "-igo", a condition = a condition of turning about). Vertigo is medically distinct from dizziness, lightheadedness, and unsteadiness. See: Dizziness, Lightheadedness, and Unsteadiness.

It has been 4 days now awakening with the dreaded vertigo. First I open my eyes and then I turn my head and whoa, someone stop this merry-go-round. With perfect stillness the ride stops and lets me off and I attempt to raise my head carefully off the pillow, hoping to make it to the sitting position when gravity grabs my head and drops it like a rock back to the pillow. Eventually with as little movement of my head as possible I make it to the edge of the bed where I sit hoping for a successful attempt to the upright position. Some days I get lucky and make it on the first try but others not so lucky. This is so annoying.

A precursor to this wonderful phenomenon for me is a weird sensation in my left ear. Strange thing is years prior to my MS diagnosis I had frequent bouts of vertigo which were always thought to be "inner ear infections."

Tips I try to remember during these periods: don't stoop to pull weeds in lily bed or hubby may come home and find me face down among the lilies; when assistance is needed, ask for it; assistance when getting up during the night is best to prevent episode of imbalance and falling backwards into hard objects. This happened last night and my left shoulder blade has the bruise to prove it. Yikes.

I know, this too shall pass. Hopefully it is sooner than later.