This is how I feel on most days "half here".
I know most of us with disabilities deal with the issue of how much control we have lost over our lives. I do pretty well at containing my frustrations over the lack of control I have in my life these days. My husband had told me about one of his clients he had worked with who had MS and how he found the smallest things frustrating and he expected immediate action from his wife or children. One example is it drove him crazy to sit in his W/C and notice the mini blinds were raised unevenly or the slats weren't exactly in sink. Now to my husband at the time this seemed odd and interesting. He has a little more understanding at this time in his life I believe.
The one thing I have found that I do have control over is my hair. Well, as much control as one who can barely wash her hair because of her arms being so weak. Hair dryers and curling irons are a thing of the past for me. I was feeling frustrated and decided I had to have my hair cut on Thursday after my PT session. That is another story. I have gone from long to short so many times over the past 10 years I have lost count. So after PT I had my husband drive me to Wal-Mart to get my hair cut. I get into the shop and soon realize I am getting my hair cut by a new beautician right out of school. I tell her I want it short and her face turned pale. I assured her I knew what I wanted. Then she asked me to look at a book and give her an idea of what kind of cut I preferred. I chose a cut I liked and she quickly propped the book up on her counter as a guide. OMG.... I am getting a tiny bit nervous at this time but still determined. I could related to being new in a career right after graduating. She did offer to let the more experienced beautician do the cut but I just couldn't make her feel any more inadequate than she already felt. She tried to wash my hair and I was in too much pain after just going through PT that washing was out and I do so enjoy someone else washing my hair. On to the spray bottle we go. I could go on with every detail of this haircut but I will spare you. After she was finished with a little help from the other gal she asked me how I liked it. I had to be honest. I stated "I would tell you if I could see it" as she had my back toward the mirror. She was quite embarrassed and I tried to make light of it. Anyway my hair is short now. Does it look like the picture? Well not exactly but it looks decent. I did my best to make her feel as if she had done a marvelous job. The main point of this drawn out tale is that I took control, set my mind to something, wasn't going to let anyone stand in my way of having short hair on Thursday. Waa Hoo...
I am getting out of order with my 3 C's so please forgive me. During my initial PT visit I was used as a training tool to show someone the wonderful effects of a positive Romberg test. You know, feet together with eyes closed. I know what direction I fall in what direction do you fall in? I go back and to the right. My knees buckled this time. That is a new one for me. I am receiving PT for neck and back pain. So she put me through my paces, gave me my home exercise program and plans to see me two times a week until the insurance says enough I guess. I have had only 1 fall since Thursday. That was because I do the craziest things like stooping knowing my knees don't have the power to take me to the upright position. I just wanted a picture of a flower and ended up on my back in the yard. I tried to snap a couple of shots while down but it was just too windy to boot. No, I am not light as feather and was blown over. I wish. My dear hubby came to my rescue and assisted me to the standing position.
What an important word. Life is so dependant on open lines of communication. My husband usually grinds the coffee beans when getting groceries. Every great while when he has brought a new bag of coffee home, for a few days I can taste a hint of hazelnut from someone grinding their beans previously. I love it. I look so forward to a new bag of coffee. I guess I always comment on the flavor and my husband has been thinking that I was complaining so this week he bought the already ground stuff. He was shocked when I told him I loved it when he ground the beans and it had a hint of hazelnut. We continued to talk and I realized a few other things that I say that make him feel I am not happy or dissatisfied. We have to communicate because all these little mis-communications add up to larger problems. It was a very good thing he didn't grind the beans this week. It made us talk and listen to one another. Be thankful for the little things.